I’ve been absent around here lately. I feel like I’ve been absent from a lot of things – my friends and the garden, mainly – and I’m suffering for it.
Somehow the market every Tuesday (most likely the canning that took front seat so quickly) became a primary black hole for time and efforts. Between our commitment there and the time commitment that all the canning required, in addition to what seems like 10,000 garden events, get-togethers, birthday parties, and who even knows what else I’ve been doing for the last 2 months, the weeds have begun to take over in the garden and I’ve felt a bit too clean under my fingernails.
I also had a troubling time at work, losing one of the kids that had been there since I started 14 months ago at my job. It’s hard to feel like it’s a job on some days, or during some moments, especially when you really do grow to think of the kids as “your kids,” and the realization hits you that if someone told you that so-and-so and whatshisface and whoshername could come to your house and if they liked it there you could keep them that you’d do it in a heartbeat, the attachment makes a losing devastating.
One day I’ll have babies. One day I’ll have kids that really are my own. These days lately that has been too hard to think about because of the raw wound that shows up when a child is gone out of the blue that somewhere in the last 14 months your heart started to tell you was in some way yours. Being willing to fund college to the detriment of my own dreams. Being willing to work a crappy office job if it meant taking them home. Promising that if they call me when they’re tall enough to hold a tuba, that I’d buy it for them in a minute and meaning it. Knowing that my kiddo wouldn’t be telling anyone but me that they love them, “oodles and oodles” because that was our special thing. My heart aches for missing a baby that has barely been gone, and isn’t gone at all, but isn’t in my world right now.
We are planning on taking a break from the market after we sell off some of the inventory that we have built up already. Canning is far too hot during the summer (and the real hot months aren’t even upon us yet), and the garden needs to be replenished. Not to mention we are in dire need of the eggs we’ve been selling off to people. Our finances have just been a sitting duck waiting to be tended, and we are going to do our due diligence in paying off debts and living off of the things we produce.
I started to make a meal plan for the week. Our meal with friends this afternoon of rabbit, roasted potatoes, and sauteed burdock root (all home-raised/grown) brought home just how amazing our meals made all or mostly from the garden can be. The goal is to only purchase supplementals and see if we can almost eliminate a need for a food budget entirely.
Sunday: (b) Poached eggs on sourdough bread with bacon (l) Spaghetti with rabbit or ground beef (homemade pasta and garden tomato sauce)
Monday: Roasted squash and black beans and rice
Tuesday: Market Food
Wednesday: Pancakes, bacon and eggs
Thursday: Beef Coconut Curry
Friday: Kale, spinach, and feta turnovers
Let the relaxing and good eating begin!