Day 14: Juliana Daily

Posted on February 25, 2011

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I enjoy listening to her very much. I heard the song “White Blank Page” by Mumford & Sons as her cover before I heard them singing it. She does a great deal of covers, but has put out some of her own stuff, too. There is really nowhere in particular that I’m going with this, I just like sharing things that I love with other people.

As I am currently unemployed and Nate, bless his little heart, is making nearly minimum wage working part-time in a retail position (a sad place for someone so brilliant to be in), we have both been looking at options for employment. We found an ad on craigslist for houseparents at a residential facility in Brandon that would pay us $50k for the year as a couple being houseparents. Just because we were curious, we sent HR both of our resumes and said we’d like to know more about the position. I received a phone call within 2 hours of emailing them. The position is interesting — 8 days on, 4 days off, in a house with anywhere between 1-12 kids ages anywhere from 0-18 years of age, with a few support staff to keep a staff/kid ratio of 1:4. At this point, I’m fairly sure (unless Nate has changed his mind and I don’t know about it) that we aren’t going to take the position, but it made me think about a lot of things.

We’re a newly married couple (though 2 months away from a year doesn’t always feel very “new” in some ways) who still experiments with our dynamic, is still learning how to argue and disagree well, tries to be reasonably social and active with people our age, and is in no way ready to actually develop a parent bond with any tiny person under our care — but having both worked in residential, and both nursing a fabulously huge love for children, we still were looking at this as an option. At some point in the future it sounds like a great idea, but Nate expressed that watching children under the age of 6 and being their primary parent figure might cause the kind of heart-wrenching that makes a person’s soul bleed to the point of near-expiration if you don’t get to, or realistically even want to “keep them” forever to raise. I on the other hand, being the masochist that I am, seem to thrive on those sorts of near-death moments in my heart, because I care for and love people over and over again that are outside of my control, get easily bruised (physically, spiritually, and psychologically), and may or may not ever return the same sentiments.

Do these things make me an ideal, adequate, or even acceptable candidate for foster care or possible future adoption? I have no idea. Everything I’ve learned about boundaries tells me that it might exclude me from the running entirely, but everything I know of parenting leads me to believe that it singles me out as the only possible person to love some beautiful person/people under the age of 18 somewhere as my own fledgling(s).

One day.

My sister Jordan‘s pregnancy definitely makes one consider the small folks of the world, not to mention the fact that they are regularly present in my life for fun, for a paycheck, and just for God’s graceful reminder of the meaning of life.

I have thank you cards to write, papers to compose, a not-so-baby-like child to babysit, ancient blog posts to archive on this blog, and a dear friend to see off on her monumental move to NYC with a late night coffee. In light of that large-ish to do list, I needs be going.

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